In Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages”, he outlines the manner that people whether friends, spouses or children express love and appreciate love. It outlines that just like when people speak various languages like Afrikaans, English, French, German, Zulu, etc, we might all be saying the same thing, however, no, one might be able to understand us because we talk another language.
In love there are five major love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of support
- Physical touch
Gift giving is a basic expression of appreciation and love which transcends cultural barriers. A present is something that you can hold in your hand and say”the individual that gave me was thinking of me”. There was an underlying emotion or thought that prompted the person to provide you with this present. I am always thrilled since I understand that at the time she saw that the flower her heart sang out”mommy”.
Gifts are visual symbols of love. For example, when I have fulfilled quite a few men whom although being wed did not wear a wedding ring. This greatly saddens me. Normally they say it is because they do not like to wear jewelry. Yet a wedding ring is not only a sheet of jewelry it is a sign of devotion and by choosing to not wear it, but they’re also choosing not to openly display their devotion to their spouse.
If your friend or partner or child has gifts as their primary language and it’s none then you can bet they will be feeling a void in their opinion of how much you adore them. Gifts do not need to be pricey but do require that you might need to change your attitude towards money. Some people feel great about spending money. Others prefer to save and invest. If you’re a spender afterward spending money on a gorgeous gift will not affect you much. But if you’re a saver you may experience some emotional resistance to the idea of earning money as an expression of love. If you don’t purchase things for your self, then why should you spend on others? But that attitude fails to realize that you are buying things on your own. By saving and investing money you are buying self-worth and emotional security. You are caring for your own emotional needs in how you handle cash. What you are not doing is meeting the emotional needs of your friend or partner or child. This is not to say you must save. Maintain saving, but know that purchasing a gift every now and then for somebody that you care about is your very best investment which you can make in the connection.
Begin by making an inventory of all of the items that your friend, partner or child has expressed excitement about getting through the years. They are gifts that you have given or presents given by a different family member. This list will provide you an idea about what would enjoy receiving.
If you have difficulty picking the presents, then get a relative, friend or colleague who understands them well to help in compiling a list.
Don’t wait for a particular event, if getting presents is that a person’s primary love language, virtually anything will be viewed as an expression of love. If this person has been crucial in the past about presents they have received in the past then it’s nearly definitely not their primary love language.
To find out more about the concept of love language, read any one of the Five Love Languages novels by Gary Chapman.